Sunday, April 09, 2006
Once upon a time...
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away (or exactly 2099 km away, the precise distance between Toronto, Ontario and Winnipeg, Manitoba), there was a wee little kitten named Koko (coincidence, I assure you) and a wee little Gund bear named Snuffy. [The keen-eyed among you will notice that this was so long ago, digital cameras had not yet been discovered...] [The faint-hearted among you may also want to stop reading immediately, as with all fairy tales, tragedy and mayhem are contained within this tale.]
Now, it was hard to tell, since she looked so cute and innocent and deliciously cuddly, but evil lurked in the eyes of the blue-eyed kitten. And, unfortunately, her ire was almost exclusively directed at the poor, unsuspecting, and decidedly inanimate, Snuffy. Suffice it to say that Snuffy, prior to his disappearance, sustained horrible disfigurement and maiming, indicative of his daily torture at the hands (and *gasp* teeth) of his captor.
And what prompted this irrational poor behaviour of the sweet little Koko? Just three small words...."Koko, where's Snuffy?" Yes, that's all. Much like River in Joss Whedon's Serenity who becomes a killing machine at the mention of the seemingly innocuous word "Miranda". In the same way, at the mention of the trigger word Snuffy, this paragon of cuteness would transform into a furry berserker, careening wildly about until the poor target was located and promptly neutralized.
Bizarre? Yes. Scary? Yes. Funny as hell? Oh no, we would never admit that. We wouldn't dare.
Sadly, there's no happily ever after for this tale. Especially not for Snuffy, who went to "swim with the fishes" many moons ago.
1994 - ?
A Wee Blue Gund Bear: You were soft. And tasty.